Leadership Archives - Margaret Meloni

Silence is NOT Always Golden

“Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” – G.B. Stern

Have you ever heard this from a leader?

“If I do not yell at you, it means you are doing a good job. Go about your business and be happy that I am not yelling at you.”

“You get paid for being here; I have not said you are doing a bad job; what do you want from me?”

What some people want is to know that their efforts are appreciated. This is not an unreasonable request.

This might be a good time to consider whether or not this individual is really a leader or are they simply someone with a title and a higher position on the organizational chart?

Less hostile, but still not exhibiting strong leadership is the person who simply assumes that you know that you are appreciated. They never express it, because you should just know. As-If you are capable of mind reading.

Some people are not just motivated by salary, advancement and challenging opportunities. Some people receive more value from positive reinforcement and recognition than they do from a monetary reward.

A sincere thank you goes a long way. Tell your team members and colleagues that you appreciate them. Be specific. To say, “I appreciate you,” is good. To say, “I appreciate the way in which you are able to redirect our executive team when they get off track,” is better. It is always good to take the opportunity in the moment to let someone know when he or she exhibit a skill or do something special that you appreciate.

Appreciation is an important part of your communication plan. Consider placing reminders in your communication plan to show appreciation to your team. This could be a special day when you bring in treats just because or you write them notes describing something that you appreciate about them. Maybe you have a surprise pizza party.

Whatever you decide to do, don’t keep your appreciation to yourself. This is not the time to be quiet!

By Margaret Meloni Leave a Comment

Are YOU a Yes Person or a NO Person?

It was almost comical to watch the debate rage on.

Ginny looked at Sal and said, “Your problem is that you think everything is possible. That anything can be done.”

Sal laughed and replied, “Well, your problem is that you think nothing can be done. Your first response to everything is no.”

Watching on the sidelines, Mary Carol began to see that both were making valid points. She also began to see that Ginny and Sal came from two very different perspectives.

When a new idea was presented to the team, Ginny immediately began to discuss why the idea was wrong or impossible or impractical. She looked for the flaws. Sometimes those flaws were actually due to her professional preferences or weaknesses. If she did not like the idea of doing something or she did not know how to do something, then she would state that it was a bad idea. Mary Carol thought of Ginny as a ‘no person’, someone who comes from a place of negative responses.

Sal responded to new ideas with brainstorming how those new ideas could become reality. He looked for ways to make things happen. He liked change and he liked to shake things up and he disliked the status quo. Sometimes this was a strength and other times it was a weakness. It could lead Sal to suggest change just for the sake of change. Mary Carol thought of Sal as a ‘yes person’, someone who comes from a place of positive responses.

Because Ginny tended to blurt things out in an unconstructive manner, she was often harder to listen to. Sal had a calmer and less abrasive way of making his point.

Listening to their debates was not always comfortable, or fun. Sometimes their back and forth devolved into unproductive arguing. Both of their opinions were important. Generally, they could be facilitated back to useful discussion.

And at the end, after the ‘no person’ had her say and the ‘yes person’ made his points, the team was usually able to come up with a working approach.

We need all types, the yes, the no and the maybe.

By Margaret Meloni Leave a Comment

You are Your Actions and Your Aspirations

“To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to.”
— Kahlil Gibran

If you ever lean toward cynical humor, or you are just tired of peppy, motivational posters, then you probably enjoy some of the posters, calendars and other ‘gifts’ that come from Despair, Inc. (https://despair.com/collections/demotivators).

To paraphrase from one of their items, “Get to work, you are not paid to believe in the power of your dreams.”

Think about your CV (curriculum vitae), your LinkedIn profile and what you look for when you are hiring. It is all about achievements. What have you accomplished? What have you delivered? Does anyone care about your aspirations?

To be fair, MOST of you are part of teams who are being paid to produce. Your job is to meet tight deadlines with budgets just as tight (or tighter). Who has time for aspirations?

What place do aspirations have in an achievement driven world? Where do project ideas come from? Some are rooted in compliance and operational issues and profit margins, but some come from what your organization aspires to be. Those project aspirations represent your organization and what it represents and why it exists.

Aspirations can turn into projects and projects have plans. The aspirations of your colleagues and potential new team members are part of their personal project plans. Your personal aspirations are part of your personal project plan.

Your aspirations describe who you are and what you represent. When you interview potential team members, their aspirations tell you what they represent. Ask your team members about their aspirations and you just might learn about what motivates them. The team member who aspires to be a famous actor, just might be motivated by giving presentations and being in the spotlight. Your team member who aspires to provide shelter for the homeless could be an excellent choice for a project that is driven by compassion.

Of course consider whether or not someone can do more than dream when you are hiring, but consider their dreams too. You are hiring the whole person; their heart and their mind and their ability to produce all come together.

By Margaret Meloni Leave a Comment

Go Ahead, Let Them Rant

Mary Carol had never seen Jim quite so upset before. He came into her office, pulled out a chair and just launched into an all out rant about his colleague Joyce. Jim was really dumping some negativity. Mary Carol had no idea that Jim had these hard feelings toward Joyce.

As Jim continued to rant, Mary Carol felt torn. She did not necessarily agree with all of the negative comments he was making about Joyce. Both Jim and Joyce worked on her team. Each of them was a strong team member. To listen to Jim complain about Joyce almost felt disloyal. Almost. Then Mary Carol realized that in this moment, what she could do was to provide a safe place for Jim to express his feelings. It was better for Jim to rant to her, than to Joyce or to others about Joyce.

Still as Jim continued to rant, Mary Carol wondered what she should do differently. She wanted to allow Jim to get these hard feelings off of his chest. At the same time she did NOT want Jim to allow these hard feelings to set the tone for the rest of his day or to damage his professional relationship with Joyce.

After a few minutes Mary Carol, held up her hand, “Jim, could you stop for just one moment?”

Jim replied, “I know, I know, I should not come into your office and speak poorly about another team member.”

“That is not it at all,” replied Mary Carol. “You may consider this a safe space and a safe conversation. But let’s work to make this time even more productive. Try this with me. I am going to give you ten more minutes to rant about Joyce. Say whatever you need to say. At the end of those ten minutes you need to switch topics. You need to then list the good qualities that you see in Joyce and the positive aspects of working with her. After you do that, you are going to set an action plan. Maybe that action plan is to go take a break and calm down. Maybe that action plan is to find a way to discuss your concerns with Joyce. Or maybe that plan is to spend some more time considering just why it is you are so upset with her.”

Jim listened to what Mary Carol said and then abruptly replied, “Great, can I go back to ranting now?” Mary Carol nodded while thinking, “Well so much for THAT approach.” To her pleasant surprise, Jim did not even need ten more minutes to rant. All of a sudden he took a deep breath and switched gears. He began to discuss what a good job Joyce does in analyzing difficult problems. He recalled the time that he lost his place in an important executive presentation and she stepped in and joined him, as-if that had always been the plan. He listed some other positive qualities that Joyce exhibited and then he stood up and headed for the door.

As he opened the door he turned to Mary Carol and said, “My action plan is to use this approach with my friends, family and colleagues whenever they need to go on a rant

By Margaret Meloni Leave a Comment

Resilient, the word for the day is Resilient

The team had just suffered a crushing blow. They had been competing for a specific contract for months. They wrote an amazing response to the RFP (request for proposal) and made it into the top five and then into the top two. When their potential new customers asked them to build a prototype, they rose to the challenge and provided a high-quality prototype and held an exceptional demonstration session. And yet, they lost the contract.

The reason they were given was that the other team came up with some additional requirements that were not requested in the initial RFP.

The competing team provided an upgraded version of the prototype.

As Mary Carol gathered the team around to discuss the loss, strong feelings began to surface. Some team members were angry and felt that the process had been unfair. Others were mad at themselves and others for not expanding the requirements. One person started to say, “I told you so.” Mary Carol let them vent. Eventually they realized that she was just sitting there watching them. The team fell silent and stared at her expectantly. They did not know if she was angry, if she would chastise them, they waited.

Finally she spoke. “I have an assignment for all of you and it is due in two hours.” The quality control lead interrupted her by saying, “I know, you want us to come back with our lessons learned, our what we could have done to prevent this.” “There will be time for that later.” Mary Carol replied. “What I want you to do right now is go back to your desks and by yourselves consider what it means to be resilient. Meet me back here in two hours with your thoughts on resiliency.”

Two hours later the team came back together. While one or two were still puzzled by this unconventional assignment. Most of them embraced it, many of them bringing quotes to help them express their understanding of resilience. Like the assignment, some of these quotes were unconventional:

“Sometimes Grace comes in the form of a punch in the face.” Mary Elder

And

“Inside of a ring or out, ain’t nothing wrong with going down. It’s staying down that’s wrong.” Muhammad Ali

Other quotes were more traditional:

“A good half of the art of living is resilience.” Alain de Botton

And

“Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit .“ Bernard Williams

“It’s not the winning that teaches you how to be resilient. It’s the setback. It’s the loss.” Beth Brook

And

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill

The lead, initially so quick to assume they would be working on their lessons learned was one of the first to see the point of this assignment. The point was to transition them away from a place of loss and upset and to begin to move forward with a sense of strength and ability. It was also Mary Carol’s way of letting them know that she was not angry with them, she did not think they had done a poor job, they were just bested by the competition. Now it was time for them to move forward.

Wishing you resiliency whenever it is needed.

Silence is NOT Always Golden

Are YOU a Yes Person or a NO Person?

You are Your Actions and Your Aspirations

Go Ahead, Let Them Rant

Resilient, the word for the day is Resilient

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