They are involuntary Buddhist monks. Their monastery is a California State Prison. On that long drive, as we watch the heat waves bounce off the highway or chase the sunset, our discussion usually turns toward gratitude, and learning. We share the gratitude we feel for being allowed to share the dharma with our special desert sangha.
We can be undefended in our grief, by normalizing the fact that death is part of everyday life. We can normalize grief by not placing expectations around what it looks like, what it feels like, and how long it lasts.
As we sit and move beyond the idle chatter, deeper insights will come. And if you thought that you had put something away, perhaps stuffed down your feelings around the loss of a loved one, don’t worry it will find you. And don’t worry – because this is a good thing, and part of your practice.
There are two quotes that I draw on frequently. One is for when I encounter challenges and the other is a reminder of the importance of being kind to others. I know you will be able to tell which is which:
“When someone tells me “no,”, it doesn’t mean I can’t do it, it simply means I can’t do it with them.” – Karen E. Quinones Miller
“We are all just walking each other home.” – Ram Dass
“Now you have wisdom – because your heart has been ripped open.”
And part of that wisdom is the recognition that what we all need is to learn how to be sad. And that equanimity means accepting sadness and tragedy in the same way that we accept joy and happiness.
